Well, They Say Be Careful What You Wish For...

I had no idea boys even particularly knew I existed. -_-;

Now I'm quite certain that at least a few of them are quite aware of my existance.

I mean, I spend four years or so hoping this boy will like me, or wishing that some boy would like me so I could like him back, and suddenly, I've been made aware of not one, not two, but THREE boys who fancy me at varying degrees. Two of the three have recently developed these feelings and I find it amusing that their feelings developed when they spent around four days with me in a location that was not Las Vegas. I must be more charming out in a different state or something. But I digress.

One of these has already been let down (and you took it very graciously and very understandingly and I appreciate that more than you know), and the other two are currently concocting plans to pursue me. The whole thing makes me insanely nervous. I'm petrified of hurting people. If I could avoid hurting someone and still be friends with them and not have to worry about damaging the relationship we already have, I would do whatever it takes. However, it's not nearly that easy. I'm almost positive which boy I've chosen already, but the problem is I know he can take quite a long time in figuring out what he wants to do and whether he's ready and a bunch of other factors he has to figure in before he can make an official decision. I'm worried that if he decides that a relationship with me isn't right, that I'll have waited for nothing and the other boy will no longer want to pursue me. This to me is a problem, because I think I'd like to give him a chance, but I'm not sure. Boys make me so insanely nervous and they drive me insane, honestly.

Another problem is that the boy I want to choose is someone I want to talk to and get to know better, despite already being good friends with him. To me it feels like we don't talk nearly enough and that I don't know him very well. I want to talk to, and get to know him so badly but I don't like to call him for fear of disturbing him and there just isn't time during school. It drives me crazy too.

I've been talking to two of my friends, trying to figure out exactly what I'm going to do, and hopefully, one of them is going to talk to both the boy I'm considering and one of my friends so that I know what he thinks and how he feels and all of that and so that I have another person to ask for advice and support. This is really complicated for me because I don't like weighing down people with my problems, but now that I do want to talk about them, I'm not sure who I can talk to without telling them something that they're not supposed to know. It's especially hard because the two people I really want to talk to are the two people most involved and who could be the most help. >_<

However, one good thing came out of this all. I'm finally completely (or at least for the most part) over Andy and for some reason he's instantly become one of the good friends I have that I direly want to talk to about all of this madness. I'm not sure how he would take it and I'm insanely curious as to what he would say and think.

I suppose I'll just have to pray, think about it, and pray some more. God got me into this and He sure as heck will be getting me out. ;) I sure wish He would answer prayers a little more obviously though... I'm not one that's very good with subtle hints. -_-;;;

Pfft. Now I feel a bit better. Still a bit befuddled and nervous about all of it, but better.