musicalluna

Title: Caught in Suspension
Fandom: Psych
Author: MusicalLuna
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Shawn/Juliet
Genre: Romance
Warnings: None
Complete: Yes
Summary: He feels like he’s standing on the precipice, waiting for the one word that will either send him hurtling for the rocks below, or soaring up and into the blazing sun.
A/N: I wrote this in an attempt to get across the feeling the song Suspension by Mae gives me when I listen to it. I'm not sure if I got it, but I like the result nonetheless.
Disclaimer: I don't own either Psych or the song Suspension.

Lately I'm all right
And lately I'm not scared

Something is different and he knows it.

The sky and the ocean laid out before him are on fire, the sun’s rays sparkling like a thousand diamonds on the water and practically blinding him. He’s been a lot of beautiful places, so it’s funny that this view—a view he’s seen a thousand times—is the one that awes him beyond comprehension. His face is warm and the breeze is cool, swirling around his body as it rises toward the expanse above him and he feels for the first time in his life like everything is just as it should be.

He doesn’t have to search any more, because he’s found whatever it was he was looking for. He’s still not sure what that means, or what it is exactly that he’s found, but he feels at home and it’s an incredible feeling.

The world is expanding before him despite the fact that he’s not moving and he realizes that he is standing at the brink of the rest of his life.

So this is what it’s like to really be alive.

I've figured out,
That what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air.

It’s her.

He’s done a lot of crazy things, and felt a lot of crazy feelings, but the feeling that she elicits in him is something new, something incredible.

He still can’t figure out what it is exactly that she does to him, but whatever it is, it makes him feel like he’s filled with the light of a hundred thousand suns, like he can take flight, like the world is exploding into life and Technicolor before his very eyes.

It leaves him a little breathless.

I don't need to know right now
All I know is I believe
In the very thing that got us here
And now I can't leave.

Right away it’s clear that no matter his feelings, neither of them is ready for whatever it is that’s waiting for them right now.

He’s okay with that.

Commitment was never something that he thought would even be a possibility for himself, so taking their time only seems natural. She’s young, beautiful, and vibrant and still reveling in the journey of her career. Which, much to his surprise, is a feeling he now shares with her.

It’s a new experience, being involved in something that he honestly wants to last. He wants to be here for years to come, and even more bizarre, is excited for those years ahead of him.

And as long as she’s there, he doesn’t need to know right now what their future is.

He’s not going anywhere.

Say anything, but say what you mean,
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

Now,
I'm wanting this for sure
And I'll beg for nothing more.

It’s time.

He knows because she’s all he can think about. When he wakes up in the morning, when he eats breakfast, when he’s working, when he’s playing, when he goes to sleep at night. Every moment of the day is filled with thoughts of her and it’s hard to be away from her. He wants this so badly that it’s consuming his thoughts, directing his paths, and taking him over.

He’s not sure whether or not she’s ready, but it really doesn’t matter, because if he doesn’t do something about it soon, he’s going to explode. The feelings are just too much to contain any longer.

He has to take the chance.

It’s not like he’s asking for a lot after all. He’s not planning on proposing to her tonight. He just wants her to go on a date with him. One date.

If that date happens to lead to the rest of their lives…

I'll plan all day and drive all night
You'll love what's in store.

He’d never dreamed it was possible for his world to grow any further.

Nothing in his wildest dreams or imaginings could have prepared him for what it was like dating her. If he’d thought his world had been stunning before, it was simply mind-boggling now. She was everything he could have ever imagined wanting and so much more. Everyday she managed to amaze him, and it was the most incredible feeling, knowing that she reciprocated his feelings. Just the look in her eyes was enough to tell him that they were soaring through the same unbelievable dream.

And once more, he’s ready to take that next step.

He’s ready to marry her.

I can't seem to stop this now
Even if it's not so clear,
And I'll take what I can get.
If you want me here

Proposing is a big step, and it rocks him to his core.

He loves her, knows that she loves him, but proposing marriage, proposing the rest of their lives, for a moment seeing in horrible, terrifyingly blinding clarity a mortgage and children and a lifetime petrifies him.

He’s never made a decision like this.

But despite the fact that the commitment frightens him like nothing he’s ever experienced, he knows that deep down, it’s what he wants more than anything. He wants to know that she belongs to him; that their futures are one and the same. He’s not sure how he knows it, or what part of him has made his mind up, but he knows he’ll give up everything he’s ever known to take what he can get.

He wants her. The only question is: does she want him?

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
Your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

The world is narrow and infinitesimal, every fiber of his being focused on her, waiting breathlessly for her response, even as everything opens up around him, and he swears if he were to step outside at this very moment he could see to the very edges of the universe.

He tells himself that whatever her answer is, he’ll be okay as long as she’s happy, but he knows it’s not true. He feels like he’s standing on the precipice, waiting for the one word that will either send him hurtling for the rocks below, or soaring up and into the blazing sun.

It’s at that moment she whispers, “Yes.”

He rockets off into the light.

It's enough for me to get excited,
It's enough for me to feel...OH!

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this.
Your eyes tell the same
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe
I'm caught in suspension

It surprises him probably more than anyone how exciting he finds the preparations.

Her palpable anticipation sets him on fire inside, and he finds himself watching her even more intensely, soaking in her expressions and moods as she plans out exactly what she wants for this day, this day that will set them loose at yet another horizon of their lives.

Sometimes his chest aches because he’s forgotten to breathe.

Say anything
But say what you mean.
I'm caught in suspension.

The day arrives, and it’s funny how, with all of the rushing around, he can still feel like he’s standing in place, the world just swirling around him like an rock in a stream. Time flies past without moving at all and then he’s there, teetering on the brink, waiting for her to appear.

Time stands utterly and completely still.

He used to think that phrase was ridiculous because anyone with a single brain cell in their head knows that time can’t stand still. Today he’s been proved wrong, because he’s standing here, waiting, and sure enough, time has stopped completely. Only for a mere second, but it feels like lifetimes pass in that second flooded with all of the emotions he both has and has yet to experience.

Then the spell breaks and she appears and the world freezes in an entirely new and different way that he couldn’t describe in ten thousand lifetimes with all of the words of all the world’s languages at his disposal.

Breathing is suddenly impossible.

I'm caught in suspension.
We are gaining speed,
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.
I'm caught in suspension.

The ceremony flies past, blurring around the edges until it’s just the two of them rocketing along together, holding on and feeling the thrum of their new life racing through their veins.

They turn as one, ready to take the world on together.