011 Memory - One Hundred Reasons

[musicalluna]

Title: 011 Memory - One Hundred Reasons
Fandom: Psych
Author: MusicalLuna
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Lassiter/Polly
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Warnings: None
Complete: Yes
Summary: One of my responses for my 100 themes collection revolving around Lassiter and Polly.
A/N: Hehehe another finally. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own Psych or it's characters.

 

The doors at the back of the church swing open, and there’s…my ex-wife. I thought it was supposed to be Polly coming down the aisle this time, but it’s her. She looks beautiful, exactly as she did the day we got married, her hair all piled up on top of her head, and that six hundred dollar dress that, at the time, I almost thought was worth the money when I saw her.

She’s smiling, but all I can think is that it’s starting all over again. The downhill slide. This was the best part of our marriage, and though I didn’t notice at the time, everything started going wrong one little bit at a time from the morning after this day on. I’m reliving our marriage and I’m going to have to suffer through it all over again, seeing along the way all the places where I went wrong, all the things that I should have done but didn’t, all the areas where I was never good enough for her.

I was going to do it right this time. That’s why I asked Polly, why she’s supposed to be here in the church with me, and not my ex. Polly was the solution to all my marital problems. It hadn’t been me, it was her. But now, it’s all starting over again and it’s all going to happen again and this time I don’t think I’ll be able to get back on the horse when it’s all over.

My gut clenches painfully as she reaches the end of the aisle, smiling up at me, just like she did all those years ago. I try to smile back, but I feel like I’m going to be sick. Puking on my bride is definitely not the right way to start off our marriage.

She reaches out and takes my hand, and suddenly it’s not my ex-wife, it’s Polly, her other hand brushing my jaw and her gaze concerned.

“Carlton,” she whispers, “Are you all right? You’re white as a sheet.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say quietly, ashamed that I’m so damn weak, and that I waited until now of all moments to tell her that I’m not sure I can marry her.

She tries to hide it, but I see the hurt flash in her eyes. Someone should just kill me. I shouldn’t be allowed near this woman. She nods slightly and squeezes my hand. “Okay, Carlton. If you’re not ready then we can wait.” She smiles and there are tears gathering in her eyes. “I can wait.”

And then it strikes me, like a sledgehammer to the head. Polly is not my ex-wife. She is willing to wait for me. Indefinitely. There’s a reason I asked her to marry me this time. A reason I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, a reason I thought I could.

“God, no,” I blurt and she blinks, staring at me. Her mouth slips open, her eyes widening and I bring my own hand to her face. “No,” I repeat, my voice softer this time. “I can’t wait. I want to marry you Polly. I want to marry you right now.”

“Are you sure?” she whispers uncertainly, a thread of hope stitched into her voice.

I squeeze her hand and, without a word, take the first step up to the altar.

Polly’s eyes fill with tears again, but this time, they’re accompanied by a smile that looks fit to cut her face in half.

I smile in return, because Polly is my future, and my ex-wife is now just a distant memory.