014 Smile - One Hundred Reasons

[musicalluna]

Title: 014 Smile - One Hundred Reasons
Fandom: Psych
Author: MusicalLuna
Rating: T
Characters/Pairings: Juliet, OMC, Lassiter/Polly
Genre: Fluff, Humor
Warnings: None
Complete: Yes
Summary: One of my responses for my 100 themes collection revolving around Lassiter and Polly.
A/N: I love this one. It makes me...SMILE.
Disclaimer: I don't own Psych or it's characters.

 

Gerald “Rawhide” Carrey knew the moment the interrogation room door opened that today would be the day he died.

Detective Carlton Lassiter, who had sat across from him at this table more times than he could count on one hand, stepped inside and smiled.

And, oh, no, it wasn’t one of those “oh you’re so going down for this” smiles or one of those “I’m going to eat you alive and spit your bones out” smiles or even a “what I’ve got on you is so good your grandchildren will be in prison” smiles that he was well used to, no, this was something entirely different.

This smile was pure, unadulterated delight.

Rawhide felt the blood drain from his face as Lassiter said, “Hi Gerald, how ya doing today?” Behind him his perky young blonde partner slipped into the room, biting her lip as though to try and stifle laughter. She was always in a good mood. He could deal with O’Hara in a good mood. But Lassiter…

He winced as Lassiter leaned across the table, his eyes seeming to light up as he laid a folder on the table. “Aw, come on, Gerald, you’re not up for small talk today? Usually I can’t shut you up. How are you doing? How’re your kids? In juvie still?”

Rawhide swallowed hard and nodded, “Y—yeah, still in juvie. I’m—I’m okay.”

Lassiter’s grin broadened. “Good to hear, good to hear!”

Rawhide glanced at O’Hara, wondering if she would protect him when the detective finally snapped. Because he had to be on the verge of a mental meltdown. He never smiled, never grinned, never sounded this freaking chipper. Why did she not look worried? He had to have slaughtered a litter of kittens on the way to work, or maybe shot some other unlucky S.O.B. because Carlton Lassiter was never this happy.

He flinched again as Lassiter reached over to the folder and casually flipped it open, putting his chin on the palm of his hand and grinning. “Why don’t you tell me about what happened here, Gerald?”

Lassiter’s head cocked to the side slightly, as though he were genuinely interested in hearing what Gerald had to say and he cracked. Oh, god, he had to get out of here before the detective snapped. “I did it!” he blurted. “I broke into the old woman’s house and I stole all sorts of crap. It’s all in my house, you can go and get it right now and give it back to her, I don’t care, just get me out of here. I want to be in a jail cell.” He turned to O’Hara and pleaded, “Get me away from him before he goes totally ballistic. Please!”

O’Hara looked astonished and pleased all at once. “O…kay. Gerald Carrey, you’re under arrest…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know my rights, just get me the hell out of here!”

He helped her snap the cuffs around his wrists and then practically fled the room, dragging Juliet along behind him.

It was unholy, that’s what it was.

~ * * * ~

Lassiter was sitting at his desk, humming as he did his paperwork when Juliet found him ten minutes later. She put her hands on her hips and said, tone marveling, “What is with you today, Carlton?”

He looked up and smiled at her, his entire face lighting up. “I, have a date.”

And with that, he practically danced his way over to the coffee machine.